he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
