Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize