I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
