she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
