Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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