I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
