dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
