Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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