you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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