I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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