you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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