Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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