I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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