I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
