i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
