I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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