why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Your penis caused this!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
