We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
