I'm so fucking centered right now
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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