I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
