I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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