THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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