you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
