I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
