Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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