can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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