I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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