the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize