OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
