I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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