I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
