whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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