Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
