I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
