i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
