Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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