literally had 100 drinks last night.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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