I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize