I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
