dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
false alarm, still single
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
