Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
