you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
