i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
