so explain again why im purple
no
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
