i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
