How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
