If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize