i already hear my dad disowning me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
