i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
