I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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