it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just want to make out with him forever
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
