I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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