so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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