Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
