Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
