there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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