ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Of course I have a pirate flag
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
