my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
