I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The air taste purple.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
