Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize