Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
