Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
