Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
