she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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