The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you will always have a special place in my vag
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
