WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
