If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize