Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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