But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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