Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
