So drunk its hurt
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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