You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize