What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
