My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
