i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
