walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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