I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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