No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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