so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize