are you so shy because you have an std?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
