when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I met the friendliest cop last night
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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