Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
we should paint friendship bongs
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