I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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