Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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