it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
