I am spending my child support on dildos
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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