people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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