My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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