My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
