Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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