Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize