I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
