I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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