today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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