I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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