Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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