She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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